Blackout Chocolate Cake

Blackout Chocolate Cake.jpg

Things I Learned This, My Birthday Week, Living In The South: 

1. Sometimes when you arrange to buy a bag of weed it comes with a free puppy. And no, I don't have a new puppy. 

2. 39 in 2018 is not the same as 39 in 1992. So stop comparing yourself. 

3. All of life's answers can be found on TV. Namely Netflix's reboot of Queer Eye. 

4. And nobody owes you a birthday cake. If you want one make it your damn self. 

Blackout Cake


Crawfish Boil

Crawfish Boil

Crawfish Boil

Things I Learned This Week Living In The South: 

1. How to shotgun a beer. Yes, I am aware of the shock on your face dear friend when you asked me to join and I stated I have never shotgunned a beer. And I am also aware of the look of shock on your face when you assumed I couldn't relax my throat and swallow 12 oz in one gulp. This isn't my first rodeo at relaxing my throat for maximum consumption.  

2. My man bag, which was a self loving gift I gave myself upon my triumphant return to corporate life a few years back AND the subject of a recent replacement debate, has reemerged in my Top Ten Accessories List because I learned it can hold: 

a. 1 Bottle Of Rose

b. 10 Pounds Of Andouille Sausage

c. 2 Loaves Of Banana Bread

d. 2 Cans Of La Croix

e. 1 Bag Of Emergency Hard Candies and Band Aids (because I am 90 years old)

3. It is perfectly acceptable to have a sense of pride when you find you are one of three Northerners left standing with 40 pounds of crawfish on the table after all the Southerns have bailed in gastorial weakness.  Special shout out to the Long Islander to my left who questioned, learned, and then conqeured the crawfish in a matter of minutes.  

Grapefruit Brulee

I wanted a citrus salad for breakfast today. I got as far as making a grapefruit brulee and then it was back to Netflix. It has been one of those weekends. 

Things That Happened To Me This Weekend In The South:

1. While casually walking home one evening I was mooned. I assume the young men involved were hoping for a reaction. But given my penchant for men and the internet providing access to many derrieres, seeing some skinny white boy's flat ass shoved through the back window of a late 90's Ford Taurus was not so shocking. What was shocking is that he wasn't smart enough to move to the front seat where the window fully goes down. Instead he used the back seat window. The one that only goes down about 2/3 of the way. 

2. For the second time in my life I found myself in a social situation surrounded by others chugging a Smirnoff Ice in hopes to fit in. Later that night while pantless I ate a Jimmy Johns over the kitchen sink. Followed a few hours later, fully naked, eating the last of my Cadbury Creme eggs in front of my fridge. Frozen Creme Eggs are best. 

3. In hindsight I have no recollection how this came about. But at a pool party I first tossed a tennis ball for a lovely golden retriever to catch only to hit a young recently acquainted friend in the head with said ball so hard it sounded like Serena Williams hit a homerun. I think that's how you play tennis. And secondly just moments later with my now head traumatized friend we spent 10 minutes discussing pannus in relation to our own body image issues. Those google images are forever seared in my brain. And still I feel my fupa is out of control.  



Homemade Brownie Brittle

Homemade Brownie Brittle

Things I Learned This Week Living In The South: 

1. There is no shame in standing by your friends as they take a pregnancy test in the bathroom of a funeral home. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen. 

2. If you have ever thought to yourself, "I wonder if there is a way I can procure a bag of weed AND a puppy at the same time?" there is.  And no, I do not have a puppy now.

3. Sometime when you eat way too many sprinkles they don't completely dissolve when you digest them. And the next morning after your coffee and constitutional you turn around and think, "OMG I am so gay my shit is rainbow colored!" 

This weekend I made homemade brownie brittle. With sprinkles. See #3 above. 



Pioneer Vinegar Pie

Things I Learned This Week Living In The South: 

1. While casually dining with a local friend, her mother, and her aunt. You have to ask for clarification when you overhear "Your great Uncle Gus haunts that house to this day. You know the house that was in The Color Purple movie. Shame they couldn't get him to the hospital any faster after that rabid dog bit him."  

2. After hearing of Uncle Gus and his tribulations you are even less shocked to learn that one of your neighbors who you thought was a gentile septuagenarian, was in fact part of the story behind the film American Gangster. Cue the shame filled Wikipedia midnight searching. 

3. If you have to take the time to ponder if wearing your nap jeans to a social event is okay it might just be a Netflix and Chillurbate kind of night. 

So after binging on Netflix I decided that in the spirit of still taking recipes for Thanksgiving on test drives I would challenge myself to make a dessert with only ingredients I had in the house. And if you've been to my house as of late you know all I eat are apples, eggs, and La Croix. 

Having just run out of apples I was forced to do some internet digging and found this gem of a recipe from my dear friend Martha. It's as vintage as my taste in 80's tv shows. 

Pioneer Vinegar Pie