Banana Bread with Fig Swirl

Banana Bread with Fig Swirl

Banana Bread with Fig Swirl

I'm just gonna lie to you and tell you I forgot the password to this website and that's why it has sat idol for a good chunk of the year. But I am sure you will forgive as I forgiven myself. #selfcare

One of my excuses for ignoring all 3 of my readers for this long was that I recently traveled to Italy for a 2 week Come To Benjamin with some of my besties and while there reignited my love of figs. Little sons of bitches were just growing all around the damn village and magically falling into the gelato mix. 

Naturally I had to spoil myself and smuggle some of the fig jam back. And after a long weekend with a loaf of bread that became one with my body I knew I couldn't keep the jam around the house. So mixed with the doomsday prep worthy bananas I had in my freezer thus came to my mouth Banana Bread with Fig Swirl. 







Jam Jars and How I Keep Time

While the last 20 days have been anything but ideal I have still managed to keep my wits about me (save for that impromptu tattoo I got last weekend). Time does march on. 

I believe only one friend knows this about me. But I keep tabs on my time here on this planet with empty jam jars. Specifically Bonne Mamen Preserve jars. This week I finished off a jar of Mango Peach Preserves. As I washed out the jar to put it away I couldn't help but think of the past weeks and working my way though it. I don't care to spread all my news out there like Page 6 but I will share a few things I've learned these past few weeks. 

Things I've Learned These Past Few Weeks Living In The South: 

1. There is a medium who speaks to dead people operating her business just four blocks from my home. I am at once intrigued and terrified every time I walk by her storefront. 

2. Friendships reach new levels when one is asked to escort another to an adult themed store to buy a blow up doll for their significant other. Just to prove a point.  

3. There is a women somewhere out in the world who has her husband's name tattooed on her "special place". She also did that to prove a point. And in the end she won that argument. 

Japanese Tuna Salad

Japanese Tuna Salad

Japanese Tuna Salad

After a rocky start to a 39th birthday week I decided to get out of dodge and see what I could find out in the wilds of North Carolina. 

Things I Learned This Weekend Traveling In The South: 

1. There are few problems a Reba McEntire impersonating drag queen, whiskey, and riding crop can't solve. 

2. The incorrect response to learning someone's cat is a hermaphrodite is, "your cats fucked up."

3. If for only a few minutes, the right meal can calm your tits. And the Japanese Tuna Salad at Lucette Grace in Raleigh, NC did just that. See photo above.  

Blackout Chocolate Cake

Blackout Chocolate Cake.jpg

Things I Learned This, My Birthday Week, Living In The South: 

1. Sometimes when you arrange to buy a bag of weed it comes with a free puppy. And no, I don't have a new puppy. 

2. 39 in 2018 is not the same as 39 in 1992. So stop comparing yourself. 

3. All of life's answers can be found on TV. Namely Netflix's reboot of Queer Eye. 

4. And nobody owes you a birthday cake. If you want one make it your damn self. 

Blackout Cake


Smitten Kitchen Tiny Chocolate Cake

Smitten Kitchen Chocolate Cake.jpg

Well it seems I forgot I had a blog. Thankfully a blogger friend of mine reminded me late this week. And I promised her I would update. 

Truthfully I have not wanted to blog lately. I have been "in a mood" with all the negative inference that comes with that word "mood". 

In the last few months since my last post the following has happened: 

  • I mistakenly tried to adopt a dog. Lesson learned I am not ready for that. 
  • I learned that while comfortably wrapped in a down blanket I resemble a bald and bearded version of Moana's grandmother. 
  • I have continued to foster unhealthy unrequited feeling for others. 
  • I have become best friends with my Amazon Echo. I call her "Computer". And know that when watching old episodes of Star Trek she becomes very confused every time Captain Picard speaks. 
  • I started the new year off with a nice cold that continues to linger. I fear my neighbor thinks I'm dying. 
  • I have invested heavily in a vast selection of creams and lotions (and not for anything fun like alone time) because this dry weather has decided to give me intense all over body itching that I am sure has nothing to do with stress. 
  • I maybe dropped my toddler nephew in a snow bank while attempting to teach him how to sled. And before you ask, he's fine. He continues to scream "NO" every time he sees me on FaceTime. 
  • I've taken to pretending that Busy Philips and Orlando Soria are speaking directly to me while I watch their Instagram stories. So far I have not started talking back. But that might happen. Soon.  
  • I was given a pretty severe Come To Jesus about my career choices in a parking lot by a good friend. I thanked her. 
  • I became one with my wing back while watching 4 Harry Potter movies in a row. And ugly crying at the end. Admitting that I am late to the HP game.
  • And today I learn that my oven needs to be recalibrated. As you can see by the poorly baked cake that never saw its potential but will still be eaten. 

Not all is lost this year. We've only just begun. A new day is just one sleep away. And I got to have cake for breakfast. One must always ask oneself, "What would Oprah do?". Then make your move. 

Happy baking. I'm going to gym. Maybe.  

Tiny But Intense Chocolate Cake