Travel Tips, Rupaul's Muff and Gifts From The Magi

If needed, remove non essentials like clothing to make room for your brie. That's 3 lb of lovely in that duffle. 

Many of us will be traveling this holiday season. Some to hot-dishes that call from our MSG filled youth. Some to exotic locales where hot-dishes are unknown (poor fools). And still some to the bar for a Tom and Jerry's (find one and love it).  

But if you find yourself packing and already longing for a treat on your travels that will remind you of the "home" you are about to leave I suggest you consider a road-trip snack. Something that will give you comfort as you go over the river and through the woods. 

Dang. I just realized I am actually going over the river and through the woods this season.  

Anyway.

Pack a snack.  

Every holiday season I wait for my besties over at Lund's to roll out the wheels of brie at a reduced cost. Thankfully this year they hit rock bottom prices. It's the most versatile of soft cheeses. Grilled, on its own, smothered in fig jam or just looking pretty on a plate, brie is everyone's friend. I'm fairly certain it was one of the gifts from the Magi but didn't make the final edit of the good book. Go introduce yourself. But go now. Because I'm already on my way for another wheel. And watch your back. Because I once had to elbow a friend out of the way in the dairy case for some brie. She's an addict. 

As you have already figured out my snack of choice is brie. And maybe a Swiss Cake Roll.  It's a long haul once you get past the river.  

Happy Holidays and please enjoy this treat from our friend RuPaul. Check out her muff. It's so fluffy and white. 

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Heatbox, Hairy Hipsters, and Holiday Happenings

Minneapolis Shenannigans 

This totally falls under the "shenanigans" part of my life. Not even in the kitchen shenanigans. Just plain shenanigans.  

Last night myself and the roommate had the pleasure of attending I AM MPLS at the Varsity Theater in Minneapolis. The annual event was held to raise money for a new community art space in Minneapolis called Public Functionary (click on the name to visit the kickstarter site and donate).  

I AM MPLS featured local musicians, comedians, dancers and a fashion show. With all the vibe of a high school variety show I will say it was a pretty cool way to spend a random Thursday night.  

Big Gingers were on special and the fragrant smell of hipsters who think showering is optional made the evening even more memorable.  

Both myself and the roommate commented that it was refreshing to have a new set of people to people watch. Our favorites were the grandmotherly types that caused the roommate to proclaim, "if they can come out on a Thursday night we NEED to go out more". Which of course made me wonder what else happens in this city that we don't know about? 

Highlight of the evening (other than some stoned dread-headed woman parkouring her way on and off the side elevated seating) was Heatbox and his mouth magic on stage. 

One last thing...I'm technically now one degree away from Heidi Klum. Christopher Straub walked right in front of me at the event last night. Heidi says Hola. 

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(John) Candy, Cake and The Cinema 8

brynn turned one this week - i used to babysit her mother

What do you do when you have left over cake tops, brownies from your sister's wedding and a couple pounds of frosting that needs to be used? You make a Rachel Green Trifle Cake! Lemons to lemonade beeyotches! She may not have made the trifle like Monica would have but she did it with love.

This past Sunday iMatt and PetDoc invited myself and SAGL over for a Turkey Taco Sunday and a viewing of the John Candy dramatic masterpiece The Great Outdoors. Not one to come empty handed (and in desperate need of a cake fix but not wanting to put any effort into baking one), I did some digging in the freezer.Thankfully there were 10 cherry brownies, dark chocolate cake crumbs and the tops of two french vanilla cakes. So with a little patience (I had about 5 mins of ADD in me before I just tossed it in the garbage) I built a Frankenstein of a cake. I had left over buttercream and chocolate frosting from making a one year old's birthday cake a few days earlier and plastered that on the inside for some glue and then all around to make it "pretty". 

brownie bottom, chocolate fudge, french vanilla cake, pink buttercream, brownie/dark chocolate cake top, wrapped in love (aka chocolate frosting)

I'm not saying it was my best cake. But for being constructed with leftovers...it was pretty damn okay. It covered all grounds. Sweet, sugary, and 'betis inducing.

And because I love you here is the trailer to The Great Outdoors. Which I'm sure you're excited to know I saw on an unexpected double feature trip to the Cinema 8 movie theatre in Duluth with my father. The second film we saw that day was Coming To America. I'm sure it was the best 1988 $16.00 ever spent on father/son time.

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Meat, Schlong, and Cold(ish) Weather

Pre Caramelized Onions

In what is going to be a rare event I have decided to blog my meal live. I have decided to share as I go because 1. I am pretty sure that the meal is going to give me gout (mega points) and 2. I have seen the present episode of The Big Bang theory one too many times.  

As the temperature last week dipped into sweater season (fair-isle is pattern of choice this year) the roommate and myself were waxing poetically about cold weather foods. I went the soup route and had a pregnancy like craving for chicken wild rice. The roommate trumped my weak ass suggestion with wait for it...meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Not one to pass up the opportunity to handle meat I hopped my meat-loving ass onto my bike and got over to Lund's. With 2 lb of beef in my basket I got back to the bachelor pad quicker than a Lean Cuisine is microwaved and inhaled by that girl in the corner cube who actually should eat a real meal.  

With some inquire I determined that the roommate was NOT in the mood for a trendy healthy meatloaf. He wanted a traditional brick of meat. Not one with a family loaf recipe I did some digging. One of my secret treat yo self moments is having a subscription to Cooks Illustrated online. They work magic in that Massachusetts kitchen. I found the recipe below and pretty much fell in love as I mixed.  

As for sides...

I whipped up some horseradish mashed potatoes (we here at the pad have determined if you potatoes don't make you cry and clear your sinuses they are not worth eating).

And the obligatory stuffing. Boxed Stuffing. Sometimes you want it just how Grandma made it. 

Now I know that you are wondering why eat such a warm meal on a warm day? But while Howard is getting his schlong removed from the robot apparatus on Big Bang there is nothing better than the smell of meat ready to unload in my belly. 

Glazed All Beef Meatloaf

RECIPE FROM COOK'S ILLUSTRATED

INGREDIENTS

3 ounces Monterey Jack cheese, grated on small holes of box grater (about 1 cup)

1 tablespoon unsalted butter

1 medium onion, chopped fine (about 1 cup)

1 medium rib celery, chopped fine (about 1/2 cup)

1 medium clove garlic, minced or pressed through a garlic press (about 1 teaspoon)

2 teaspoons minced fresh thyme leaves

1 teaspoon paprika (I used BAY SEASONING)

1/4 cup tomato juice

1/2 cup low-sodium chicken broth

2 large eggs

1/2 teaspoon unflavored gelatin (powdered)

1 tablespoon soy sauce

1 teaspoon Dijon mustard

2/3 cup crushed saltine crackers (I used Panko)

2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley leaves

3/4 teaspoon table salt

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

1 pound ground sirloin

1 pound ground beef chuck

Glaze

1/2 cup ketchup (I used Chili Sauce)

1 teaspoon hot pepper sauce

1/2 teaspoon ground coriander

1/4 cup cider vinegar

3 tablespoons packed light brown sugar

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Adjust oven rack to middle position; heat oven to 375 degrees. Spread cheese on plate and place in freezer until ready to use. Prepare baking sheet (see illustration below).

2. Heat butter in 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat until foaming; add onion and celery and cook, stirring occasionally, until beginning to brown, 6 to 8 minutes. Add garlic, thyme, and paprika and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 1 minute. Reduce heat to low and add tomato juice. Cook, stirring to scrape up browned bits from pan, until thickened, about 1 minute. Transfer mixture to small bowl and set aside to cool.

3. Whisk broth and eggs in large bowl until combined. Sprinkle gelatin over liquid and let stand 5 minutes. Stir in soy sauce, mustard, saltines, parsley, salt, pepper, and onion mixture. Crumble frozen cheese into coarse powder and sprinkle over mixture. Add ground beef; mix gently with hands until thoroughly combined, about 1 minute. Transfer meat to foil rectangle and shape into 10 by 6-inch oval about 2 inches high. Smooth top and edges of meatloaf with moistened spatula. Bake until an instant-read thermometer inserted into center of loaf reads 135 to 140 degrees, 55 to 65 minutes. Remove meatloaf from oven and turn on broiler.

4. While meatloaf cooks, combine ingredients for glaze in small saucepan; bring to simmer over medium heat and cook, stirring, until thick and syrupy, about 5 minutes. Spread half of glaze evenly over cooked meatloaf with rubber spatula; place under broiler and cook until glaze bubbles and begins to brown at edges, about 5 minutes. Remove meatloaf from oven and spread evenly with remaining glaze; place back under broiler and cook until glaze is again bubbling and beginning to brown, about 5 minutes more. Let meatloaf cool about 20 minutes before slicing.

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"T", "A" and "P"

Sisters from hopefully the same Mister - dressed as Charlotte and Mrs. Flax from Mermaids (a movie about appetizers)

This post is completely out of sequence with reality but I am aware that some of you want to know the dets of the partay that went down at Casa De Roommate a few weeks back...

Here's the backstory: 

A few months ago I was food styling one day and catching up with another stylist (read: gossiping). The other stylist was working on some completely nutritious food involving hot dogs and refrigerated dough. Not one to mix my nitrates with canned bread I didn't think much of it.  

Until....

The Roommate suggested we throw a "welcome to the neighborhood party". I'm over throwing parties that honor me. It gets weird the third time. Trust me. So I countered The Roommate's offer of a party with a moment of pure genius.  

A TACKY APPETIZER PARTY

What's a T.A.P. you ask? A T.A.P. is the best idea ever. We scoured old cookbooks and magazines to make what I feel was an Old Country Buffet worthy spread. I tapped my resources and got some rich recipes out of the 1954 edition of The Betty Crocker cookbook.

I'm pretty sure I read a section of the book instructing me how to make my man happy when he gets home. I thought I was up to date on my happy man making skills.  But according to Betty I need to have a cocktail BEFORE he gets home. Loosen me up a bit after a hard day of homemaking. Or before a hard night of homemaking I guess.  

So The Roommate and I got to work. We cleared off his dining room table and set up the slow cookers. That's right plural slow cookers. We were rocking three of them.  They had a corner of the room dedicated to themselves.  

First let me say it was a who's who of Benjamin Plante blog celebrities.  We were lucky enough to get Work Wife, Irish Car Bomb, Jeggings, Kelly, Camp Counselor, The Roommate, Betsy Wetsy, iMatt, and Sister.

Of course there were a handful of others. And we loved having them all but it's all about the me. 

On to the food!

Diane was kind enough to keep her judgments to herself

Yes. A bucket of croutons. 

Mini Chili Cheese Dogs - Kosher Meat Folks - Non Kosher Snack

Veggie pinwheels because Betsy Wetsy is vegetarian.

A suggestion of work wife - those green balls are not meat free

The Roommate says "cowboy" and "caviar" don't belong in the same sentence - therefore it's tacky (and was my breakfast, lunch and dinner for three days)

state fair boats and biebs - tacky squared

A few people brought to share. Namely my friend Apache Chief (he's tall and if you get that reference you can keep reading my blog - if not G.O.O.G.L.E.).  Apache brought the best tacky appetizer possible. A half eaten bag of blue chips, half a box of wheat thins and some semblance of a dip. That he requested I return the container. Just to be tacky. 

winner best in show - and notice the giant red tub full of slutty slush (I very much suggest following the link to slutty slush)

For dessert we went all out. While The Roommate and I wandered the aisles of the grocery store I struggled with what to make for dessert. Naturally I had a jello mold setting up in the icebox.  But for a back up I wanted something that might clog the pipes up. That's when I stumbled upon a wonderful end cap of Little Debbie Snack Cakes.  

Dessert was a nice spread of Zebra Cakes. Funny thing about the Zebra Cakes.  Everyone one silently turned their noses up as they assessed the food situation. They think I didn't see. But I did. And you know what? There wasn't a single Zebra left on the plate by partly close. Now mind you I could have taken the whole platter into the shower and eaten them in one sitting but I didn't. I let all the little Simba's out there in the living room sneak in and devour those Zebra Cakes like it was open hunting in the African wild. And there is no better sight than watching a mildly drunk friend saunter over and swipe up that cello wrapped lump of "food" and take it down in two bites thinking nobody is watching.  

damn slush - ZEBRA CAKES!

The party raged on and soon all the crock pots were empty. After getting the last straggler out the door and a few house guests to bed I got to cleaning. Gotta make my keep around here. No really. I do.  

I joke. I just cringed at the idea of missing CBS Sunday Morning because I was scrubbing slow cookers.  

Overall a tacky success! Did we miss any great appetizers? Let me know so I can judge and then secretly make it then eat it in the shower while nobody is watching