Lexington Style BBQ

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BBQ Buffet

BBQ Buffet

Things I Learned This Week Living In The South:

1. Some things never die. Or time travel exists. Either way I learned that you can return to your youth to jam out to Barenaked Ladies, Collective Soul, Tonic, and Edwin McCain. Mind you I just loitered at the local watering hole across the street listening. And yes, we ran out of beer at the bar. Who knew Barenaked Ladies still had a draw?

2. Heaven is a place on earth and it's located at 2nd and Green in Winston-Salem. For $9 I enjoyed a cash cover, $1 drafts, and unlimited hot dogs while awkwardly flirting with a man named after a favorite food group of mine. He knows I'm kidding...or does he?

3. After 2+ years of my immersion therapy in The South I have ventured to the BBQ side of the food pyramid. And in doing so found myself sitting next to an older gentleman while he whispered "let me put a little South in your mouth". After realizing it was NOT an attempt to "connect" with me I then enjoyed a nice sampler platter of BBQ and sides. All while trying to not make eye contact with the hand painted Jesus on the wall.  

I'm at the beach this weekend kids! If you see an alabaster bear being eaten by a great white shark you have found me at the oceanfront bar. 

Crawfish Boil

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Crawfish Boil

Crawfish Boil

Things I Learned This Week Living In The South: 

1. How to shotgun a beer. Yes, I am aware of the shock on your face dear friend when you asked me to join and I stated I have never shotgunned a beer. And I am also aware of the look of shock on your face when you assumed I couldn't relax my throat and swallow 12 oz in one gulp. This isn't my first rodeo at relaxing my throat for maximum consumption.  

2. My man bag, which was a self loving gift I gave myself upon my triumphant return to corporate life a few years back AND the subject of a recent replacement debate, has reemerged in my Top Ten Accessories List because I learned it can hold: 

a. 1 Bottle Of Rose

b. 10 Pounds Of Andouille Sausage

c. 2 Loaves Of Banana Bread

d. 2 Cans Of La Croix

e. 1 Bag Of Emergency Hard Candies and Band Aids (because I am 90 years old)

3. It is perfectly acceptable to have a sense of pride when you find you are one of three Northerners left standing with 40 pounds of crawfish on the table after all the Southerns have bailed in gastorial weakness.  Special shout out to the Long Islander to my left who questioned, learned, and then conqeured the crawfish in a matter of minutes.  

Roasted Grapes

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This week I have had reinvention on the mind. 

Selena Gomez cut her hair. 

Some work friends have moved on. 

I've cleaned out my closet while pondering a new look. 

All possible steps to start a reinvention. 

As I stood naked in front of my refrigerator last night cursing myself that I had no frozen cookie dough, no hidden fudge, not a chocolate chip in sight. I then thought I best take the healthy choice and dug my hands into the bag of grapes on my counter. My hand blindly dug around for my nightly emotional quencher and I was rudely brought out of my 3 am slumber by a fuzzy grape. And I thought "that little bastard is only 4 days old and it is already moved on". 

With my near death by moldy grape behind me this morning I got to thinking again about reinvention. If that grape can do it, any of us can. I've changed careers a few times. I have gone, unwillingly from long hair to no hair, bearded to not bearded to bearded, Structure to J Crew, husky to husgay. That landed me in the kitchen making roasted grapes. Taking them from healthy day time snack, to a midnight mouthful, to cuddling in bed with a sticky beard.

At one point this weekend I found myself sitting on a curb hidden behind a sedan waxing career choices with a good friend. Wondering what steps are next I was reminded of the wise words of Rupaul, "When the going gets tough, the tough reinvent."

So what's next? 

Grapefruit Brulee

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I wanted a citrus salad for breakfast today. I got as far as making a grapefruit brulee and then it was back to Netflix. It has been one of those weekends. 

Things That Happened To Me This Weekend In The South:

1. While casually walking home one evening I was mooned. I assume the young men involved were hoping for a reaction. But given my penchant for men and the internet providing access to many derrieres, seeing some skinny white boy's flat ass shoved through the back window of a late 90's Ford Taurus was not so shocking. What was shocking is that he wasn't smart enough to move to the front seat where the window fully goes down. Instead he used the back seat window. The one that only goes down about 2/3 of the way. 

2. For the second time in my life I found myself in a social situation surrounded by others chugging a Smirnoff Ice in hopes to fit in. Later that night while pantless I ate a Jimmy Johns over the kitchen sink. Followed a few hours later, fully naked, eating the last of my Cadbury Creme eggs in front of my fridge. Frozen Creme Eggs are best. 

3. In hindsight I have no recollection how this came about. But at a pool party I first tossed a tennis ball for a lovely golden retriever to catch only to hit a young recently acquainted friend in the head with said ball so hard it sounded like Serena Williams hit a homerun. I think that's how you play tennis. And secondly just moments later with my now head traumatized friend we spent 10 minutes discussing pannus in relation to our own body image issues. Those google images are forever seared in my brain. And still I feel my fupa is out of control.  

 

 

Jujyfruits and Poppers

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This weekend I found myself on some misadventures in Raleigh, NC with two good friends who live down that way. After entering a bar where I was branded with the over enthusiastic "BEST OF LUCK!" I hunkered down for a night of fun. 

Things I Learned This Weekend Traveling In The South: 

1. There is a gay bar with carpet, urinals that literally put you face to face with your future maybe baby daddy, and a gift shop specializing in underwear, leather goods and sells Jujyfruits nexts to the poppers. Giving you the opportunity to chow down while you bear down. 

2. In the span of 7 hours you can experience the roasted chicken at the James Beard Award winning Poole's Diner (here for information), and the fried chicken at Burger King. Both are excellent. 

3. A larger than life drag queen sporting a cheeseburger pill box hat and corresponding cheeseburger printed peplum blouse further validated my theory that no one ever looks bad in a peplum top.