Yes and Yes Book Club: Americanah

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Jollof Rice from Americanah

Settle on in for nice fall read with this one kids! Check out my review and attempt to recreate Jollof Rice over at the amazing Yes and Yes blog. I ate this meal for three days after I made it. That right there shows you how lazy I am and how delicious this meal was! You can find the answers to your Friday night dinner here. 

Grits, Gravy, and Graciousness: Or I've lived in The South for almost a year

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Roasted Cauliflower Soup on Papa's Trunk

This coming December will mark the first anniversary of my living in The South. As if swimming along the coast with a gash in my thigh, the sharks have been circling, demanding my opinion on whether or not I have enjoyed my 365 days of grits, gravy, and graciousness.

After the third inquiry in one week I finally broke down and asked my boss if my demeanor was beyond my comprehension. Perhaps I was unknowingly pea-cocking a unspoken disdain for my surroundings. Giving off a bad vibe. Scaring small children.

Let's face it, my resting bitch face could take home the blue ribbon. I don't give off the most come hither, welcoming vibe. I really do scare small children. 

But that doesn't mean I don't love my new home, The South. 

The Jew in me is mildly uncomfortable with all the Jesus prayers that are made at public gatherings. But I appreciate the community their faith provides. And the height of hair in correlation to ones closeness to God.

The lover of history in me is daily aroused by the story telling that happens in The South. A meal is almost always paired with a story about some eccentric old timer, some misadventure had in youth, or some hotly debated "whose momma made it best" recipe throw down.

I've gone from wondering how many handguns are concealed while I grocery shop, to accepting that there are more pocket book or calf strapped handguns than I could shake a stick at. I trust that Grandma at the deli counter is a better aim than I am.

I will proudly say my blood has in fact thinned. Fifty-five degrees is cold to me. I don't miss having to carry an extra handkerchief just to wipe down my frost covered beard from walking from the house to the car. And you know what? Your blood would thin too. However, I will say, I do very much miss snow. There best be a white Christmukkah when I go North in December.

"Yes, Ma'am", "No, Ma'am", "Sir", "Have a blessed day", "Might could", "Tighter than Dick's hat band", "Fixin' to", "Cussed out", "Blessed out", "Rode hard and put up wet", "Drunk as Cooter Brown", "Y'all", "All Y'all", and "Y'all ain't right" are phrases I understand, use if needed, and hope to carry with me until I die. 

As we slowly enter into this next year, and the period of hibernation that winter brings let it be known I do not regret my choice to move to The South. It may not be my forever home. But its roots have cracked my foundation and will forever be a part of me. Let's see what happens in year two. 

Soup for a Southern Fall Day (highs in the 60's - I'll be wearing a jacket when I go outside)

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CREAMY SPICED CAULIFLOWER SOUP

RECIPE FROM Produce on Parade

Serves 6

Aromatics:

1 Tbsp. olive or coconut oil

2 medium yellow onions, diced

1 bay leaf

1 1/4 tsp. ground cumin

1 tsp. kosher salt

1 tsp. ground turmeric

1/2 tsp. ground coriander

1/8 tsp. ground cardamom

dash of ground black pepper

sprinkling of crushed red pepper flakes

4 garlic cloves, minced

Sustenance:

4 1/2 cups vegetable broth

1 large head of cauliflower, roughly chopped to the same size

Conclusion:

1 cup canned coconut milk

1 Tbsp. apple cider vinegar

fresh dill (for garnish - optional)

INSTRUCTIONS

In a large soup pot, heat the oil over medium-low. Add all the aromatic ingredients, except for the garlic. Saute, stirring occasionally until the onions become translucent, about 10 minutes. Then, add the garlic and saute another few minutes.

Add the sustenance ingredients and bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce to a simmer and allow to cook for about 15 minutes, until the cauliflower is tender.

Remove from heat and transfer carefully to a blender. Blend on high (allowing steam to vent) for a few minutes, until silky and smooth.

Transfer back to the soup pot and stir in the coconut milk and vinegar. Bring back to heat over low, ensuring it doesn't boil

Serve hot and topped with fresh dill and ground black pepper, if you like.

****RECIPE NOTE: I did chose to roast my cauliflower before adding it to the soup base - I will leave that step up to to you the soup maker. If you chose - simply toss the chopped cauliflower in olive oil and roast on a lined baking sheet until desired color is achieved. Look for burnt tips and browned bodies.

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Grocery Store Snobs, Grated Cheeses, and even MORE Grated Cheeses!

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Owl Cheese Ball

Yesterday I went to four grocery stores.

I wasn't looking for anything specific. I had a small list. I guess you could say I had time to kill. At first I was feeling adventurous and went to the local mercado on the advice of a friend. When I walked through the sliding doors I was instantly taken over by homesickness. Back to a time when mercados, Asian markets, fishmongers, and that lawyer turned deli manager were weekly occurrences in a career in food long dead. After a quick tour of the store I found myself overwhelmed and just as quickly fleeing. 

Again on the advice of others, I went to the next store on my list, Aldi's. Still a mystery to me as one of those grocery stores with questionable European ties and always located in neighborhoods I have no reason to go to. After refusing to spend a quarter to use a shopping cart I began to slowly pick up items I needed. Shortly after trying to comprehend why a TV was on sale next to a meat thermometer, which was across from some olive oil, I simply put my goods back on the shelf and left. 

At this point I'm texting my grocery store sponsor (much like an AA sponsor but with better cookie platters when we gather) to get some validation for my fleeing of two stores in under 30 minutes. I told her I was on my way to Trader Joe's and my usual weekly haunt, the only store I find that closely resembles my store of choice back in Minnesota. With minimal watching of the dreaded iPhone ellipses she responded with "it's really all we have". She and I both know that's not 100% true. Maybe more like 89.9% true. Let's face it we both talk about grocery stores like Carrie talks about the Prada store in SoHo. We know what makes us happy. 

Across town, one hour later, and one conversation with Rod The TJ's Crew Member about his intent to use the stuffing flavored kettle chips in this years stuffing later, I was on my way home to use my findings for this weeks blog food. 

I'm making a cheese ball. There is an office fete on Monday. And though historically I am an office fete fighter I have lucked out this time and have a team I care enough to make a cheese ball for. Also due to the birthday girl's love of owls, the cheese ball is shaped like one. 

At the end of the day I am calling myself a grocery store snob. We each have our happy place. I cannot judge. But know that if you ever see me walking though a grocery store, hands in pockets, side eyeing the butcher, know that mentally I am trying to decide if running out of the store will cause suspicion. 

If you see something. Say something.

Like nondescript packaging on poultry. 

Owl Cheese Ball

Based on Michelle Buffardi's Great Balls of Cheese available here

Owl Body (cheese ball):

• 16 oz Softened Cream Cheese

• 3/4 cup Shredded Sharp Cheddar

• 2 T Shallots, minced

• 1 T Herb de Provence seasoning

• Salt and Pepper to taste

Owl Decorations:

•  Toasted Sliced Almonds

• Carrot

• Black Olive

• Small Round Pretzel or Cracker

• Capers

• Finely Shredded Mozzarella Cheese (for soft feathers on belly if desired)

• Variety of pretzel sticks

Using hand mixer or stand mixer combine cream cheese, cheddar cheese, shallots, Herb de Provence, salt, and pepper if desired. Remove from bowl and shape into large egg like ball on serving platter. Cover with plastic wrap and place in refrigerator until decorations are fully prepared.

Toast sliced almonds in pan or oven until light brown. Set aside to cool. 

Cut a small piece of carrot into the shape of a beak and feet. 

Slice an olive for eyes.

Use capers for pupils. 

You can 'glue' everything on using a little cheese scraped from the back of the owl where you will be putting the almond slices.

With decorations prepared remove cheese ball from refrigerator and begin the yoga like practice of decorating your cheese ball. Best when done while drinking wine. 

Slow Cooker Applesauce, (Linda Blair's) Sexy Gold Velour Onesie Culottes, and Scary Movies

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Slow Cooker Applesauce

If you ask me Halloween is good for one thing - the onslaught of scary movies on TV. Thankfully this Halloween season I am blessed with The Cables and had a buffet selection of options this week. 

While enjoying the Linda Blair classic, The Exorcist, last night I was chatting with former Work Wife discussing food. Because what better time to discuss food then when a teenage girl who is possessed starts spinning her head around while projectile vomiting.

Naturally our discussion lead to apples and slow cooker applesauce. 

So today while I sat riveted to my television watching the waste of celluloid, The Exorcist II: The Heretic I let a couple pounds of apples stew away in my slow cooker. As my eyes took a visual assault from Linda Blair's gold velour onesie culottes, I wondered to myself how the hell did the phenomenal Louise Fletcher get sucked into such a horrible film. But then I thought of the things I've done when I was desperate for money and all was forgiven of Ms. Fletcher. 

Happy Halloween!

Slow Cooker Applesauce

IN HONOR OF LINDA BLAIR PUKING ON HERSELF

ingredients

3 lbs Apples (any variety will do)

1/2 Water

2 Cinnamon Sticks

1 Tablespoon Lemon Juice

Kosher Salt

instructions

Peel and dice apples to about 1" pieces. Place all ingredients in the slow cooker on High for 4 hours. Stirring twice while cooking. Serve warm or store in air tight container in refrigerator for 3 weeks. Or freeze for up to 3 months.

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Yes and Yes Book Club: The Accident Season

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Full Irish Breakfast

Y'all know I love a good book and this one had me in my Cadillac Fleece pants on the sofa for a whole day! And because it takes place in Ireland I couldn't help but roll myself over to the local Irish bar, unhinge my jaw, and inhale a Full Irish Breakfast.Head over to Yes and Yes to see what I have to say about it!