Rhoda, Rogue Kraft and Reading like Royalty

the mouth orgasm in the  middle is mine - Rhoda is a Goddess and the muppet needs to lay off the sauce

It's no secret that I am a Kraft Mac and Cheese man. And as much as I would love to say that I eat organic, GMO free, shade grown, non denominational boxed mac and cheese that would be a lie. Some things were just perfected in a box. Like me. Thanks mom. 

So, Kraft Mac and Cheese.

Or simply Kraft around these parts. We all have our ways of making it unique. I use unsalted butter and just a splash of milk so I get a more sticky texture. If I don't have milk I suggest a tablespoon or so of sour cream. It's amazing. In fact screw milk and just go straight to sour cream. It's a million times better. Others I've heard follow the recipe and they are drones in my book. I've added tuna, chicken, and peas. I've experimented with the Kraft "organic", vegetable noodles, spirals, classic, three cheese and any variety that has hit the shelves in the last 15 some years that I have been buying my own groceries. 

About 5 months ago I was at the Bullseye store buying up some foods and needed a box. I noticed the shapes were on sale. Always a lass concerned about my curves I looked to see what the calorie/weight difference was between the classic noodle and the shapes. It was at this point I learned that Kraft Mac and Cheese Shapes are LOWER in calories than classic noodles! And about $.50 more in price. And less in volume. So price per ounce I am saving about 10 calories and making myself feel a little better about eating the whole damn box. Personal favorite are the Monsters Inc shapes. They taste better. 

Now the whole purpose of this blog post is to discuss how you eat your Kraft. 8 years ago I was living the high life working for a major department store all Rhoda Morgenstern style in downtown MPLS. I had just moved into my first apartment with no roommates and under the influence of Carrie Bradshaw realized that I was never going to get married/birth a child or in other words register for gifts. It was at that point I bought myself the gifts of the Magi that the Magi forgot...

All-Clad cookware.

And All-Clad being the cookware of the Gods had within its selection a Kraft Mac and Cheese Pan (KMCP). Now it doesn't call itself a Kraft Mac and Cheese Pan in the care guide that comes with it. But it was built just for this purpose. It has a solid base, sturdy smooth sides (if you like that), and a narrow top so nothing comes out unexpectedly causing you to jump back and have to lay down some ground rules. And unlike other rooms in the house this comes with a handle so you can put it where you want to be most effective.

Upon my moving in with SAGL I informed him that the KMCP had one purpose and that was to be the KMCP. And there was only one rule to using the KMCP and that was you cannot take the Kraft out of the pan and put it in a bowl/plate or other eating receptacle. The Kraft MUST be eaten in the KMCP. SAGL picked up that shit right away. And no dishwasher. KMCP gets hand washed. In organic, GMO Free, shade grown, non denominational soap.

Now last week I was home alone and just about to pull a chair up to the icebox to have dinner Old Country Buffet style when I decided that it was a Kraft day. Working in the pantie factory had been hard that day and I needed to treat myself. I said to myself, "Gorgeous. You need to step it up a notch in the kitchen tonight. Your hotness used to rule the kitchen. What can you do to make that Kraft proud?". And and then it dawned on me...I had season three of Downton Abbey to watch. And I wanted to watch it NOW.  I whipped out my KMCP and got to cooking. All the while remembering that I needed to make it special so Lady Mary wouldn't be judging me from behind the TV screen. We all know that bitch can read a gurl. And her library card was ready to come out that night.  I don't know why Edith hasn't cut a sister yet. 

Anyway - I did it. I took my Kraft to the next level. Inside the icebox I had some homemade flour tortillas (if you didn't read that post now is your chance to make up....click here...not here). I grabbed myself two tortillas, two slices of pepperjcak cheese (SAGL I owe you two slices of pepperjack cheese - there is a brick in the fridge...help yourself) and the sour cream (see above). I got one of the tortillas warming up on my cast iron with a slice of cheese. Topped it with about 2/3 the box of Kraft (Monsters Inc). Layered up the second piece of cheese and topped with the other tortilla. I then weighed down the whole thing with the Marinara All Clad Pan so it would flatten out nicely and the cheeses would intermingle like a Catholic Prom in the 60's.  Close but still leaving room for Jesus. 

And voila! I had myself a Kraft quesadilla...or Kraftdilla as I like to call it. The Kraftdilla was wonderful. The peperjack gave it a new kick. The hot pocketness of it made it a delight to eat while in the company of Tom Branson (that's an Irish stick shift I wouldn't mind learning to drive), Sybil (moment of silence please), and Mr. Carson (who looks a lot like Bruno the Trash Man from Sesame Street). 

Of course the minute I googled this amazing dinner to make sure I could copyright, trademark or pee on to declare it was mine I realized that Kraft.com already had a version of it. Which just proves that there are no more original ideas out there. Just the amazingness that I add to others. 

Go make one now. Make it your own. And tell me all about it. But know that I came up with it. 

Also on a side note...I may or may not have eaten nearly a whole palletful of chips prior to making this amazing meal. And so there was like 1/8 of a cup left of Kraft. I threw it away. And SAGL called me out on it. Like shamed me in front of my family via text making me think I threw away a pair of soiled undies or something equally embarrassing. I will never make that mistake again. 

Make Kraft. And Love.