|Julie Newmar will cut a beeyotch - have a donut|
What do you do on a random Saturday morning in the Summer when you don't feel like baking?
You recruit your friends iMatt and PetMD to drive you to various donut shops in town so you can taste test what everyone has been talking about lately.
At first they thought I was crazy. But by the second stop on the the Donut Tour of 2013 I'm pretty sure I saw some salivation in the donutmobile. It probably didn't help that the new car smell was completely gone and it was one giant cloud of donut fart in that car. You couldn't help but think of all the dirty things you would do to that fluffy cream filled Long John.
First on the list was Mel-O-Glaze from South Minneapolis. They haven't quite figured out the whole technology bit. They don't have a website and quit using Twitter a while back it looks like. But don't give up on them. They had Harry Potter playing on the TV while you shopped the donuts. The joint had a church basement feel to it, including the friendly staff. And by friendly I mean they force fed us donut holes while we paid. We picked up a custard filled donut, plain glazed and a poppy seed potice like thing. Google it.
4800 28th Ave South
Minneapolis MN 55417
Our second stop was The Bakers Wife in South Minneapolis. Again no life on the internet for this joint. This place gave off a very up North on the lake feel to it. Super busy. Tons of bread and cookie options. And the walls were loaded with crap that I wouldn't want to dust if I worked there. The donut selection was more gas station than bakery. We picked up everything they had - powdered sugar, chocolate frosting with sprinkles, cinnamon sugar, plain with chocolate frosting and a blueberry cream cheese turnover (not really a donut but it was the size of my head and filled with cream cheese).
The Bakers Wife
4200 28th Ave South
Minneapolis MN 55406
The final stop on our tour was Glam Dolls. This place is new and run by a bunch of Betty Page hipster women. And shockingly they do have an online presence. Find them here...not here. The place was cute and the ladies behind the counter were very helpful. On the wall you could buy an acrylic of Julie Newmar as Catwoman. I almost went for that instead of the donuts. At this location we picked up a variety. One maple icing with bacon, one orange/ginger/cinnamon infused glazed, one that tasted like a Nut Goodie and one that was blueberry topped with a custard filling.
2605 Nicollet Ave South
Minneapolis MN 55408
After three stops on the tour and a back seat filled with 12 donut and/or pastries we stopped to pick up our fourth in this this donut orgy. Let's call her Worst Case Scenario. About 3/4 of our conversation on Saturday was dedicated to our actions in the following situations:
- emergency landing of a plane in water
- emergency landing of a plane on dry land
- how to evacuate a plane during flight under the guise of going to the bathroom
- how to get out of your car should you find yourself in a river or lake
- would it make a difference if you fell from a high bridge or a low bridge
- and whether or not helmets should be distributed on planes
Worst Case Scenario was at her local department store visiting some hand bags she has on visual lay-a-way. She had this sad look on her face like the mother in a Lifetime movie who was about to give her baby up for adoption to the family in Deliverance. I think the donuts sitting bitch in the back seat with us made leaving her babies a little easier.
We took our carb winnings to a fifth in our donut debauchery day. Our host this Saturday was our favorite badass with the 'betes. In fact lets just call him that - Badass with the 'Betes. He's got a six pack that makes my stomach look like a keg and puts more time in triathlons than I do wondering where my next feeding will come from. And anyone who knows me knows my dinners are planned out years in advance.
My troupe of Donut Diva's arrived at Badass with the 'Betes' house and we unloaded the loot.
Instantly Badass with the 'Betes starting shooting up insulin like an addict. We didn't want a Shelby Steel Magnolia scenario so I kept my hard candies close by. Oddly Badass with the 'Betes didn't like our suggestion of a photo shoot of him injecting insulin while inhaling a powdered sugar donut a la Scarface. I insisted that I would photoshop it so you couldn't tell it was him.
Like Scrooge McDuck in a vault of pennies we dove in. Coming up for air only to assure Worst Case Scenario that if the plane were filled with packing peanuts it would still hurt when crash landing.
Our reviews of the donuts are as follows:
1. Mel-O-Glaze was pretty damn good. If I lived near there I would be over daily for the glazed donut. And to see what happens to that Potter kid.
2. iMatt kept talking about the blueberry cheesecake filling in the turnover from The Bakers Wife. It didn't get the "that's sexy" that the maple bacon donut from Glam Dolls did. But maybe worth the stop for a pastry if you like that sort of thing. You dirty pastry bastard.
3. Glam Dolls needs a second visit. I think we were overwhelmed by the black eyeliner and Julie Newmar glaring at us with those judging eyes. And the human canvas that was behind the counter DID NOT give me the sea salt caramel that I asked for. I did enjoy the nut goody flavored one and really liked the ginger infused but was really looking forward to some dark skinned cream in my mouth.
Long story short I guess donuts are back in the Midwest. When I was kid there was a Dunkin Donuts here and there. But they left town. I once had a gentleman caller who was so obsessed with Dunkin Donuts that I can safely tell you that we went to every Dunkin Donuts on the Outerbanks of North Carolina. And in college there was The House of Donuts in Duluth. But only the real drunks went there. I'm fairly certain the one time I was DD and I saw a rat in there. Or maybe I wasn't DD that night which would explain the rat. Who can remember their junior year right?
Check out this post from Perfect Duluth Day to revisit The House of Donuts. I forgot they sold tacos. Why wouldn't you want a taco with your cake donut.
The Jew in me really just wants a bagel now. Shalom.